Regrets
by AliJessie72
Summary: When Peter returns on the eve of Carla and Nick's wedding what trouble will he cause?
1. Chapter 1

"Peter." I whisper as I open the door, a tear falls down my face as I take a deep breath and lean my small figure against the door, "What are you doing here? I'm getting married in the morning, you can't just turn up out of the blue like this."

"I had to see you, I had to tell you, you're making a mistake Car." He places his cold hands on my cheeks and wipes away my tears, I no longer found comfort to his touch, I no longer felt safe at the feeling of his skin against mine. I just felt dirty.

"He's not me Car and he never will be, you'll never be over me." He moves my thick brown hair away from my neck and begins to place kisses on my body. The feeling of his lips against my skin made my stomach churn, it didn't feel right any more. Not like it use to.

"Peter no." I push his body off of mine but he comes back more forcefully and pulls me into mine and Nicks flat. The flat we brought together. The flat were we only had good memories. As my back hits the door, I see it all over again. Frank. "Peter!" I scream as my body shakes uncontrollably but he doesn't listen.

As I find the strength to push his body away from mine,"Peter, I'm marrying Nick. I love Nick. I'm happy." I say as I catch my breath.

"Are you telling me that or yourself Carla." He laughs as he closes the flat door.

"You. I'm telling you!" I scream as he walks over to me.

He shakes his head and paces around, "No. No. We're meant to be together you can't marry someone else. Especially Nick Tilsley." He shouts as he slams his hands against the coffee table me and Nick had brought together, causing my wine to spill.

The red liquor seeps into my black and white blanket, that is thrown down by the side of the sofa and a puddle of the devils blood lays across the wedding seating plan that lay on the table.

"Peter. Me and you're done. We're over, we have been for years. You broke us. You ruined us and I wont let you ruin me and Nick." I walk over to the coffee table and pick up the seating plan, which was now smudged, Nick had told me to laminate it but I didn't listen.

As I walk back into the kitchen area I place it down on the worktop and grab a new glass of wine, I look up at Peter and throw him a look, "Why haven't you left yet?" I say as calmly as I possibly can as I pour the wine into my glass.

"You need to see sense Carla. Me and you were good together."

I cut him off instantly, "Until you broke it. Until you broke me." I throw the glass against the wall and place my head in my hands, "And now what you think you can come back, on the eve of my wedding and what? Stop me? Break me again?"

I laugh and walk over to him, "The thing is Peter whatever you're planning, whatever the reason is for you being here it won't change a thing. I've changed, I'm a lot stronger now. I don't need you any more. I don't need your love or your affection and I've realised that a person can only break you if you allow them to and I'm telling you Peter. You will never have the satisfaction of breaking me ever again."

He grabs hold of my wrists and pulls my body into his, as I attempt to pull my self out of his grasp he tightens his grip and places his forehead against mine. As his grip gets tighter and tighter I can feel the veins in my wrist about to burst. I can feel the marks he is making on my skin.

As the door swings open he pushes his lips against mine, they no longer felt soft, they no longer gave me warmth.

As I turn to look at the door I see him. Nick.

Peter realised my wrists and began to laugh, "Nick." I whisper as I run towards him, I can see the hurt and betrayal in his eyes, "It wasn't what it looked like, I swear. Peter tell him." I beg as I looked back over at him.

"What can I say Nick, she'll always love me. You'll never have all of her, she's just like Leanne, she came running back to me on your wedding day as well at least Carla did it the night before."


	2. Chapter 2

"Get out." Nick screamed at the top of my voice making me jump, I could see the anger boiling in his eyes. I knew at any second he was about to erupt and he'd do something he'd regret.

"Nick, calm down." I whisper placing my hands on his damp cheeks so he was facing me, he grabbed my red wrists which made me flinch in pain, they were still sore after what Peter had done.

"See Carla, he's no good. Remember when he hit Leanne on christmas." Peter smirked, suddenly Nick pushed past me out of his way causing me to lose my footing. As my body fell to the floor my head bounced off the edge of the marble cabinet, causing the first photo me and Nick had taken together to fall to the floor and shatter into a million pieces.

My head pounding and my vision blurred, I lay amongst the broken glass and faded in and out of consciousness. I could hear the faint sound of arguing and the smashing of glass. They didn't even stop to see if I was okay, they just left me and had their petty fight. A fight they'd been having for over 5 years.

Suddenly the room went silent and Nick placed my head in his lap, I knew it was Nick from how gentle he was and by the way he played with my blood soaked hair. He began to whisper things into my ear, but I only caught the odd word. That odd I couldn't even puzzle his sentence together, my brain felt numb, nothing went in like it use to.

I heard the familiar sound of the flat door opening and began to try and open my eyes, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't. I was stuck in the place I feared the most. My mind. The place that was full of regrets and bad memories. The only place where I was weak. The place were I relived my past and all of my mistakes. It was like being trapped in a nightmare.

I could hear Nick crying into my skin, I could feel his tears falling onto my pale cheeks, but there was nothing I could do to stop it, there was nothing I could do to make him feel better. It was torture. I knew he'd be blaming himself and I knew Peter would be sticking the knife in even more.

Suddenly my mind took over, pictures of my Maddie and Kal tattooed to my blank mind. I could think of nothing else. I could hear or see nothing else but their faces and their voices. Just them. I may not have started the fire but it was still my fault, it was my fault that they got caught up in my mess of a life.

More and more pictures rushed through my brain, Sophie. Alya. Even Leanne. They'd all lost someone they'd loved because of me. I was poison. And one way or another their deaths were still my fault.

I needed to wake up. I needed to escape the eternal doom I'd been put in. But I couldn't. Tears didn't roll down my face and my screams didn't come out of my dry mouth. I couldn't kick or scream my way out of this. I had to fight my demons.

As the pictures stopped I could hear the hospital machines. That's when I knew it was going to happen all over again. But this time it was worse. This time it was my little girl. The baby I never wanted but grew to love. The baby that was ripped away from me out of spite.

This time it was all my imagination.

I pictured a big white house, with a swing set in the back garden and I could hear children laughing in the background as they played. Then I heard his voice. Peter's. Calling her name. Hayley. My little Hayley. Half of me. She never had a chance in hell. She would have been doomed just like I am, I would of never been able to give her the love and affection she deserved. She would of hated me like everyone else does.

My mind went blank again and that's the way I wanted it to stay, as I felt someone take hold of my hand a shiver went down my spine. I could recognise it but it wasn't Nick and it wasn't Peter. It was Michelle.

She placed her lips against my forehead and moved my hair out of my face. I knew it was going to happen all over again and I knew exactly what has going to happen. It was going to be my childhood. A memory so bad I drank to forget it. A memory that I dreaded revisiting but knew I had to.


	3. Chapter 3

Darkness fell over my still body, Michelle's voice had now washed away. I could no longer feel her hand against mine. I could no longer hear her cries. The only thing I could feel were the memories rushing up and down my veins and attempting to consume my mind.

All of a sudden I was in that place again. The place I'd forgotten about. The place Paul had rescued me from. I could hear the screams and the sound of a liquor bottle being smashed against the stained walls where the wallpaper had began to peel.

All their faces circling my mind. Rob's. Mum's. All of the men that had come and gone and left nothing but the bruises on my beaten down body, and the nightmares that held me captive. I could see the blood dripping down my swollen lip and the scars that were now tattooed onto my wrists. I could feel the tears falling out of my eyes that were black and blue.

Suddenly the room turned white. But white didn't symbolise my childhood. White symbolised goodness, innocence, purity, and virginity. Everything I lost in order to survive. The room should have stayed black, black symbolised fear. Which was everything I used to feel and everything I now felt.

I then heard his voice.

A voice I hadn't heard in years.

Paul's.

The first person to ever truly love me. However I never truly loved him. I loved the feeling of being loved, which was something completely different. I could feel his fingers running through my hair and the kisses he used to place on my neck. He was my knight in shining armour and I'd never forget it. But he wasn't the man I fell in love with. That was Liam.

My heart began to race just thinking about him and the life we could have had together if it wasn't for Tony. If it wasn't for me. His death was my fault. I had blood on my hands. If I hadn't of been so stubborn. If I could of just believed someone could truly love me he would still be here. He'd be here with me. Michelle would still have her beloved brother and little Liam would of had a father, but instead he was fatherless just like me.

Johnny's face suddenly took over my mind. He left me. He didn't want me. Nobody wanted me, not even my own mother. He let me marry my cousin. I was disgusting. My life was a complete lie. I was doomed from the start. I was always going to be damaged goods, it was my destiny. The world was a better place without me I just needed to stop fighting and let go.

My body relaxed into the hospital bed. I could hear the faint noise of the machines beginning to beep. I was dying.

I could hear the screams and the cries flood the room, I knew I could get through this if I tried but I didn't want to fight any more. I couldn't fight any more. I'd spent to long surviving and not enough time living.

But suddenly I heard one voice that mattered. It was Nick's. He was the love of my life. He never gave up on me, we should have been getting married. We should have been about to go on honeymoon, but instead we were in a hospital room and I'd given up on myself. I'd given up trying to find happiness. I'd given up trying to survive. I was done.

He told me to choose happy and that's what I was doing. I wasn't strong enough to fight my demons anymore. I could feel the light pulling me into it's grasp. I was now stood beside a white staircase, it was the light at the end of the tunnel. As I placed a foot on one of the steps I looked back at the path behind me, I no longer saw it as a path. It was just a long line of lives I had destroyed. There was nothing left for me back there. Nick was better off without me anyway, I was always going to hurt him in the end.


End file.
